Letters to Mohallah

Letters to Mohallah

Dear Mohallah,

I don't know who you think you are, but what you are doing is wrong. People shouldn't be allowed to just make up some stupid religion and then act like its a real religion. I am trying to get people to boycott your dumb ass religion and all of the other stupid made up religions too.

Joe Vandal

email

Dear Joe,

I'm really sorry that you feel the way that you do. You sound like a bright guy, so I hope that you are able to overcome your angry feelings one day, and that you will see the Church of the Holy Meatball for what it is - a real religion that is as serious and real as any other religion in the world.

Sincerely,
Mohallah


Dear "Mohallah" (or whoever you are)

Is your name really Mohallah? To me it seems like using the name "Mohallah" is just some tricky way to make fun of Muslim beliefs. Please change the name you are using if it is just to poke fun at people.

Hamid
(from Palestine)
email

Hi Hamid,

Yes, Mohallah is my real name. I'm not sure why you think it might be offensive. Is it because it sounds a bit like the names Mohamed and Allah mixed together? I guess it does, but that has nothing to do with me. I have no idea why my parents chose that name.

Even though I do not believe that Islam is a legitimate religion, I don't want to go out of my way to offend Muslims. I respect their religion, just as I feel certain that Muslims will respect the Church of the Holy Meatball. Everybody is entitled to their beliefs and all religions are equal in the eyes of the lord (FSM).

Thanks for asking!
Mohallah


Dear Mohallah,

Don't you think that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster already made the same point that you are trying to make? Don't get me wrong. I think that your Church of the Holy Meatball is totally cool, and I even made it my religion of Facebook. But I do think that it is somewhat redundant.

Mr. Fluxus (an artist in Toronto)
www.digitalsalon.com
email

Dear Mr. Fluxus,

Maybe you are right. I don't know for sure, but I guess that time will tell. Thanks for spreading the word on Facebook though!

Yours Truly,
Mohallah


Dear Mohallah,

Everything about the Church of the Holy Meatball appeals to me and I would like to become a member. However, I am vegan and I find the Church's emphasis on meat and meatballs to be a bit offensive. I'm not sure that I could be true to my vegan lifestyle and still be a member of the church.

Is it OK to be a vegan member of the Church?

Susanne Moonstyle,
Montana

Website

Dear Susanne,

Please pay attention to the Word of Johnny Spaghetti (BbHm), "...the Flying Spaghetti Monster so loved the world, that he gave one of his only begotten Meatballs, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have meat everlasting." (Johnny Spaghetti: 2:6)

Refusing to ingest the holiest sacrament of the Church is disrespectful to the Holy Meatball, and to the Blessed Memory of Johnny Spaghetti. Vegetarians and their sick cousins, vegans, are blasphemers.

When you are prepared to accept the sacraments of the Church, we will welcome you with open arms. Until then, please go somewhere else. There are lots of other religions on the planet.

Sincerely,
Mohallah


Want to be a part of the discussion? Email Mohalla to have your letter published here. Become an active participant instead of just a passive observer!

May the fork be with you,
Mohallah

Z'all!